I never question this anymore. I just micro agress them back. “You speak so well” “So do you !” With extra excitement and very loudly. They normally look very scared and slink away or they try to find a way to excuse themselves. They now know they cannot exert power over you or make themselves feel superior.

Then what will follow is badmouthing. At this point they must exert power and superiority in a different form . Since they can’t do it to your face they will do it behind your back.

This is good because now not only have they outed themselves immediately as untrustworthy but they’ve also outed their racist friends who spread the gossip.

If I can’t microagress back immediately I slip it in at a different time.

For instance, I went to a parade with a group of friends, all white. One of the white girls that came along was someone I had never met before. She seemed nice and I liked her at first she sort of reminded me of one of my cousins. Very overly talkative and funny. But I also knew it could go either way. Because my cousin was also a mean girl. For the most part she did her own thing and I was good with that .

But then we were all at the bar drinking getting appetizers. I split something with one of my male friends and we offered her a piece. The thing is when I’m drinking or in a big group. My strategy no matter my experience in the past is to have a great effin time. My natural personality is to be nice to everyone. I don’t really judge other people when I meet them. Which is why I always forget that they are judging me from the moment I speak my first sentence.

I offered the hot sauce which we were all using to flavor up the food. “Oh no I can’t have that I’m too white for that.”

There it is. It didn’t matter that we were all drinking and having a good time. She had to remind everyone that she was “white.”

Considering our entire party was white and using hot sauce ….who could this comment possibly have been aimed at. I have this funny feeling that I had not been there the phrase “I’m white” would not have been uttered.

First racist assumption, that I grew up eating spicy food because I have melanin. I was actually raised by white people which means I grew up eating lightly seasoned chicken and potatoes. I actually could not handle any form of spice until I was like 23 years old. It was actually my white male friends that encouraged me to try spicy foods. As well as a friend I had from Europe who was teaching me about spice levels. So yes, I’m cultured enough to have tried wasabi with my sushi but I guess that means I’m not “white” now. It’s weird because I thought going to Taco Bell drunk at 2am was white culture. So you’re telling me you just order Taco Bell with no sauce? That’s a level of savagery that I’m not accustomed to.

At the time she said it I’ll admit I was caught off guard. I was not expecting race to be brought up while splitting a quesadilla but you know they love to insert race anywhere they feel insecure. I was very drunk and the rest of the day was a blur. People got lost and found each other again all in a magical drunken haze and we all made it back to the house.

There was my “white” anti Taco Bell at 3am friend lying passed out. I knew she was awake because she had just moved earlier. I made sure while everyone was preparing drinks in the kitchen to say no less than 20 times “I didn’t want to come off as an attention whore.” I said it loudly at random times. As an answer to something as simple as “Do you want ice in your drink.” They were all drunk so I knew they wouldn’t care or remember. If anyone had been sober enough to ask me why I was saying that I would have just lied and made up some excuse. But I knew my insult had landed. Because after a few moments of her “pretending to be passed out” half naked sprawled out all over the couch. She got up and said she was going to leave early and not go in the pool. She refused to meet my eyes and looked down gathering her stuff.

White women are not use to black women playing their game. They depend on the niceness of black women to continue to inflict violence on us in public spaces. We have to stop letting things slide or reacting in the moment. Play their game. Quietly insult them as they do to you. Look for the upper hand. Be catty. Be manipulative. Mirror their behavior back to them. They hate losing at their own game and they will stop messing with you once they see you know how to play it too.

She was use to her whiteness being elevated. So I deflated it for her as a courtesy.

Some people reading this might think it was an over reaction. Good.