Most of the rumors white women tried to start about me in my old religious school were of a sexual nature? Which is really weird because I don’t think they realized how this whole power play thing works? Making sexually frustrated evangelical white boys fantasize about another female isn’t going to achieve the desired effect I think you want white women? It is entirely possible though that the white woman or maybe man who started the rumor really just had sexual stereotypes in their heads about me. I’m pretty sure it was a woman though because I have a well endowed chest area and men are just going to stare at that it’s just common sense. Most likely some fifteen year old white girl playing house caught her soon to be conservative Christian husband checking out my rack in chapel.

I only suspected a rumor had been started about me long after I left that school because none of the men were ever bold enough to flat out say anything. I have a very overtly sexual appearance to start out with. So maybe that’s why it was easier to believe the rumors about me as well

I was in fact a huge nerd in highschool and I still am. I wasn’t even thinking about men that much in high school. I was reading Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings way too often. I watched a lot of History channel documentaries on the Roman Empire. Apparently, in between drawing charcoal portraits and reading historical fiction I was supposed to be sleeping with all my white Christian brethren as well.

The way the rumors manifested in their actions was just weird. I had maybe 5 seniors and a handful of freshman all randomly approach me in weird scenarios. Like during weird breaks that we weren’t supposed to have or even during weird pep talks given by the Bible teacher. They would come up and lurk on me. I would then look at them really confused and they would slink away. I remember once during prayer in Bible class we had our heads down and one of the seniors who was sitting next to me mimed for me to kiss him and I shook my head no. One thing going to a religious school with white men taught me is that they are horny at all times no matter how inappropriate and at all hours of the day. They are nice in their own way but I’m just glad I never ended up keeping in touch with any of them. Except, for my best friend.

I was completely oblivious until I got much older and started dating. So yeah, I didn’t start dating until I was like 21.

A lot of white men and women are sexually frustrated. They have this weird degrading racist stereotype in their heads that they think black people will fix their sexual woes. Most white men make assumptions about me being slutty but I know it’s not all racial. The racial component makes it worse but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly the chest area. White girls with a similar figure get the same kind of negative attention. But the innocence thing always plays into it. Black women are never perceived as innocent.

One thing I would like to say about the passive aggressiveness is that you have to give it back. If you rise to the bait they will try to destroy you but if you make it clear from the beginning you are going to win they always give up before they even start. Deep down they know. You have to let them know you know. That’s all it takes. It’s like a stare down of confidence levels. A passive aggressive staring contest. Never look away first and they will always end up conceding. I went to school for fourteen years with private school white evangelical women. They are the creme de la creme of manipulative white women but by the time I got into high-school I knew what I was doing.

Don’t get me wrong as a child I had to learn from white female teachers about passive aggressiveness and racial abuse. Miss Carol tried to beat my confidence and happiness out of me from the moment I entered first grade. Refusing to let me read and trying to peg me as a trouble maker.

I seem to remember by the middle of my first grade year raising my hand and saying, “Miss Carol that’s not what you said yesterday when you taught us this section.” I learned very young how to win those staring contests.