The most important thing being left out is that middle school and high school bullies were bullied as kids. Bullying needs to be addressed earlier than people realize. I went to private school and I also have a really good memory. The reason I brought up private school is that it creates a unique situation where you can observe your classmates from childhood to adulthood. I walked the graduation stage with kids I had known since I was four years old. I watched the kids who had been bullied as 4th graders become very efficient bullies as 9th graders.

I was one of them. I was bullied very badly at the gymnastics camp I went to every summer. Mainly for being a biracial /transracial adoptee. If we are speaking on a sociological level. Kids just don’t know what to do with us in the social hierarchy.

I noticed in 5th grade at my school a lot of kids were starting to bully one of my friends and another kid who the guys said was “gay”. I don’t remember my peers at school ever actually bullying me to the degree I witnessed them bullying people I knew. But I think by that age I realized adults don’t even see what’s going on.

So by eleven I became really good friends with a girl who probably had been bullied as a kid herself like I was and we went on the offensive. We loved to read and write and collect dorky things. The only way for us to be left alone to do the dorky things we wanted was to make sure no one messed with us. We made our own clique of other kids who liked nerdy things. The more “traditional” popular kids knew not to mess with us because we had no qualms about picking apart what they were wearing if they even had one word to say about the nerdy things we liked.

I bullied other kids to protect myself. I was a bully from 11–14. By fourteen I had climbed from bullied kid to a pretty well liked 8th grader. I stopped bullying after I had no need for it. After I was safe and had cemented my position. Of course I had no idea this is what I was doing but looking back I understand it.

By high school I was much more self reflective and really didn’t like bullying. When I saw other kids bullying I might laugh or stay silent depending on how I assessed the situation. Also by that age I was able to empathize better with how the bullying was affecting people. I could read their expressions.

Still to this day I think about this one girl who was bullied from 6th grade all the way through senior year. She liked to read even more than I did but never defended herself or bullied a soul.

One teacher noticed what was going on and would call out the bullies in real time. That was the first time I ever saw a teacher combat bullying. He would go to individual groups of kids and ask them if they had bullied her or had seen it. Then basically told them if he saw it happening or if they were even standing with people who were doing it he’d start suspending them left and right.

No one had to go and report it to him he noticed it and took action.