What is it about us black girls in all white private schools? I’m still getting over my trauma from the fourteen years I spent in mine. Mine was a Christian Southern Baptist School. So there was never any pretense at internationalism. In my case white students and teachers started abusing me from age four when I started the school. I was never sent a Valentine and I never expected to get one. By the time I was seven I knew what to expect. The only silver lining I could see is that I could never have held onto hope like that all the way into high school like you did. In my case I had a crush on a Cuban guy but in the South Cubans long to be looked at as American white people. They are vicious and will do anything to make sure white people know they are one of them. I’m fully aware many Cubans actually are white but I’m talking about denying their culture too. Saying they don’t speak “Spanish.” Don’t get me wrong a lot of the Latino people at my school were proud of their culture too but just at home. Anyway in 7th grade he found out I liked him and I still remember he turned around stomped on my foot and crushed it into the floor. He kept it there for along time. In high-school he was accused of rape. One of my male best friends slapped him for touching a girl’s butt in Bible class without her permission. I think he is now a doctor. It’s a really good clear picture of the kind of people we promote to respectable positions in our society. Look at it this way the people you went to school with probably turned into even worse adults. In actuality “God” was saving you from being surrounded by horrible adults. That’s how I look at it.
The Facebook thing is so funny because at the all white gymnastics camp I attended over ten years in the summer I was also bullied by mostly blonde white girls and boys. Because America puts blondes at the top of the racial hierarchy. I think there’s some dynamics of socialization that need to be looked into.
Anyway looking back I remember being nice to them. I remember no matter how much they called me names or were mean to me I would try to be friends with them or help them. Looking back I have no idea what I was thinking but I remember thinking the little one was so cute. He looked like an elf. It was two blonde brothers that I kid you not looked like Draco Malfoy. Anyway about a year after I stopped attending the camp. For a year in highschool I left my old private school to try out an art school which meant I had to ride the bus for the first time. I was inside the bus at a stop and was looking out the window. They were waiting outside for a different bus because they went to the more prestigious private school down the road from mine. They recognized me right away and started waving at me. I just stared out the window because I was so confused at what was happening. The younger one made a gesture like “hello we are waving at you” and I just stared on. The bus pulled away and I never saw them again.
It’s like a thing with these people. Later on in life, I also got friend requests from many white classmates that I frankly never liked or spoke to. This article was so hard for me to read because I don’t think I’ve ever received a Valentine. I also don’t put much stock in things like that mainly because I know I will never fit into American society. I was never meant to. It’s most likely a blessing not a curse. When I peeled back the truth about American society I realized if I don’t fit in, I’m doing excellent.Every facet of American society is built on wrongdoing.To fit in would maybe make me comfortable but I would be forced to defend a status quo instead of justice or rightness. I don’t ever want to be like that. Count it all actual joy that you don’t fit into societies built on bloodshed, deceit and injustice.
